She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
