Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
