If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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