dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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