oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
