I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
