Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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