and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
