she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
