i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
