R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i will never coherently bang her
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
this hospital has no fireball
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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