I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
