Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
