I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize