like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
