I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
