hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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