She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
