How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
