Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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