And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Randomize
