Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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