So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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