eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize