he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My bed smells like the plague
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
