i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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