Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
