i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize