Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
