So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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