I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
