ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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