I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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