I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So many bounce houses so little time
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize