Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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