I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
