My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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