yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
