I wish they made helmets for livers.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
