So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
