Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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