Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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