Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
