U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize