I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
should my penis look like a turkey
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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