xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
