Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
