The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
