After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
