why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
