I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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