You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize