He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
