I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
