I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It was confusing and full of hummus
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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