so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
