The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
