she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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