Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
