Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
