Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
