i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
