Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
