the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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