How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
