based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
