i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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