these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
