Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
