Can Purell be used as lube?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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