I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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