I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Randomize
