Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
