My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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