I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
