yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
