its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
