Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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