i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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