You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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