i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
