let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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