we're blogging at a bar
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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