Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Semen is not good for contacts.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
