i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
