Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
