don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
